Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
