So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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