Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
