you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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