Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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