Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
