Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
