Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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