Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
