Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
