Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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