I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
