Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
