i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
