I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
