I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
