im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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