I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
