I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
