Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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