new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
