She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
