so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
