i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
