Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
