so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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