I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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