my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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