ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
