How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
