ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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