you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
