party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
