1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
