I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
