The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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