By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
