Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
