just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
