I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Even my vagina gasped.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
