used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
