so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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