There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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