i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
