so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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