I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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