I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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