i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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