I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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