she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
