i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
