A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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