I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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