That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
