so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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