Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
