i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All the doctor said was why
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
