dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
