If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
