Don't make out with my wife yet
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
