I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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