somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
