He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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