why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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