in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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