ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
