All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
