Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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