holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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