I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
