Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
