nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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