He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
