I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
