So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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