I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
time to smoke my breakfast
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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