Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
